November 5th, it is getting mentioned so many times now. Is that why i feel so down recently, or is it my imagination....is it possible for these things to affect you subconciously that you dont even realise that you are suffering.
It has been five years now, and as others say...it does get easier over time. It is still there like a tug on the heart, that just sets the memories and the tears off.
The fireworks as pretty as they are, whenever I see them I freeze like a deer caught in headlights as I feel the coldness seep slowly into me, the numbness.
Although I try and stay strong, and embrace the night with merriness. Try and bring some happiness into myself on the unhappiest anniversary of the year I know. I put a front on for others, try and shut my mind so that they dont worry.
I wonder what this Bonfire Night will be like.
2 comments:
Mum would want you to enjoy it. She loved bonfire night. I feel exactly as you do, but its honouring her memory to go out and be part of it. She'd want that, she'd want you to be happy. These thoughts are what get me through when I have a bad day.
Thats why I still put alot into Christmas, I know she'd be pleased someone is doing what she did.
Yeah...I know, thats why Im gonna try and be happy. Oh I love christmas, it was mum that made it so wonderful although i realise now...we were lucky to have the christmases we did as there are alot of other people who dont seem to see it the same way....its a shame.
Im ok though
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